"Anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac, anyone who drives slower than me is a fool"

Timo Glock lashes out at critics and detractors

November 10th 2008
from our sports correspondent

"Anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac, anyone who drives slower than me is a fool" said Timo Glock speaking exclusively to our rabid F1 fan cum racing reporter "Fatafat" Fattulal. Following the dramatic last lap at last week F1 Grand Prix at Interlagos, where Timo apparently slowed down to let Lewis Hamilton sneak up and gain some points for the race and consequently the championship, Timo has been railed and ranted against. Fattulal took the opportunity to congratulate him on a wonderful season and made the unexpected blunder of asking him if he was going to trade places with Valentino Rossi next season. However, Fatafat decided that he was not going to print the interview with Glock since it was mostly an arithmetic series of unprintable expletives. Instead, Fatafat has decided to act as Glock's literary agent, especially using his soon-to-be-famous quote (see above) in enterprising situations. Here are some of his suggestions.

1) An Ad for Amaron Batteries - Glock will race his F1 car against a turtle and snail who thought it was a 3-legged race. 4 wheels vs 3-legs - the odds are very even.
It is rumored that the turtle will throw the race if someone will "murder that b*&%#@ defaming hare." Having subsequently lost the race, Glock will beam into cameras and pronounce his quote, leaving hundreds of hungry horses swooning due to low blood pressure. It will then be shown that the turtle is drinking the water from an Amaron battery. The previews have been rated as being "as brilliant as the Kolar diamond stolen by the Breeteesh" by our friendly-neighbourhood-Kannada-speaking Kritick Hogaye.

Left: Underpaid creative designer Yusles Phelo's version of Amma's campaign

2) An electoral ad for J.Jaayaaaalaaalithaaa to support her bid for becoming the next Indian PM. Vague details describe her pillion-riding Glock's F1 car, apparently hitching a ride from Raj Bhavan to Rajpath. The connection of the ad's content to the context of Glock's quote is yet to be determined.

3) Promotion for the re-release for the hindi movie "Race"
"Horse-racing, Horse Power! Oh ji! same difference ji!" claims Dukhi Singh, the man behind this magnificent plan to release Race across 26 theatres in "Canada Dry" preceded by a star-studded TV campaign starring Timo Glock, former McDowell's Indian Derby losers and Joykishon the Bengali whose sole claim to fame is to laugh like Akshay Kumar. The verdict - Singh is (Sin)Kinnngggg.